I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
