Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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