90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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