Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
