Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(559): View more from California

he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon

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(314): View more from Missouri

you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"

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(763): View more from Minnesota

FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.

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(515): View more from Iowa

nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying

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(323): View more from California

In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.

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(310): View more from California

You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I need dunkaroos back in my life.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet

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