do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
