You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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