so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
