Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
