Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I will pee on everything he values.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
