I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
