Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
