i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize