we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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