my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
