in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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