i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize