so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
