Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
