i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
