Pants 0. Shit 1.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
