I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
