Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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