Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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