I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
