You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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