i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize