I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
