my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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