i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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