Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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