His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
