i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize