fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
