The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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