she smelled like a LAN party
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
