My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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