I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How naked do you want me to be?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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