my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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