wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
