Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
