Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
