I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
