I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
