dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You can't motorboat a personality
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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