Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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