I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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