Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
