I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
