i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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