I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i think my cat just said my name.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
