Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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