Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
