The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
