i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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