I cannot find my penis.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
