And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
