He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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