I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
