I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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