I think I died a long time ago.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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