Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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