No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
