YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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