I just saw a hot homeless man
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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