do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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