So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize